remember the first time I met someone who prefers heavier lovers. It was an awkward date, and we didn't even become friends. But I remember the moment when, all of a sudden, he reached over and rubbed my stomach, which he called my "Buddha belly."

It seemed to calm him, as if my belly radiated a kind of benevolent energy.

If you want to make a fat person ashamed of themselves, pinch their fat. Gather the stippling flesh in the vise of your fingertips, and clamp down hard ­ "Ouch!"

If you want to make a fat person feel very excited, make love to them for months, paying worshipful attention to the Buddha belly. Caress, knead, stroke, kiss.

Then pinch.